Monday, September 1, 2008

It's gonna be a long day

So, we were supposed to go to Reno tomorrow for a couple of days, just to get away. But Mom woke up in a mood today. Her feet are still a tad bit swollen. As she lay on the couch this morning, she asked me if any of the meds I had taken away to my room last night were for her heart. I said, yes, why. And she said she thought maybe she should take one now. Well, of course she should, but I wanted to know more. Was she not feeling well?? Her only reply was that she felt "weird". No amount of prodding on my part would get her to tell me what that means, I know that from earlier experiences. So I just dropped it. She thinks I should take her to the emergency room to have them check out her ankles. I think that since it's been a week since this started, she can wait one more day and go see her regular doctor.

Sometimes I think she's just a prima donna, that if she doesn't get all the attention, she makes stuff up to get me to worry. I know that's not fair, but there's a life time of being her daughter that's really hard to shake. All my life, whenever I had problems, I was told to "take a pill" and get over it. I've had back problems almost all my adult life. I've suffered from tension headaches since I was a child. Recently, I've had high blood pressure and an irregular heartbeat. But I'm not allowed to be sick. When I complain that I'm too tired to go to yet another store and walk around for an hour, she suggests vitamins. It doesn't seem to sink in that it's my's not pumping my blood effectively, and that leads to fatigue and shortness of breath. Maybe she just doesn't remember I have a heart problem???

I'm really just so tired right now. I wish I could leave her in someone else's care and take off for a couple of days, but there IS no one else. Oh, sure, my brother lives just 2.5 hours away, but I could just see him dropping his life and coming down here for two or three days. Not gonna happen. The most he ever gives is a few hours on a weekend.

Whine whine whine. I know. I should just deal with it.

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