The sun is finally shining outside. It's still cold, but at least the sky is blue. Too bad it's so black in my heart. I'm so tired of feeling like crap. I'm so tired of people treating me like something to be avoided. I'm not really that bad a person, am I? If I am, I think I should just die now and get it over with. I really do want to die. I just don't have the guts to do anything about it. I'm such a pushover. I never say no to anyone (Marc Hulett excepted). I worry constantly about upsetting my family. I put on this mask every day so no one knows how sad and hurting I am. If I were to get sick, I would just curl up and die, willingly.