Football is back. The 49ers are playing their first preseason game this morning. I made french toast for breakfast, and as I was dishing it up, I felt a tiny pang, wishing I was fixing it for me and Mom in the house in Morgan Hill. Time just keeps moving along, each day taking me farther and farther away from our lives there in the big house. I'm not sure I can remember the sound of her voice. I still get flashes of memory that occur when I least expect them, and bring me to tears. I have so many regrets...all the times I was impatient with her. I would give just about anything to be able to go back to before she got so ill, and be able to tell her how much I appreciate her. I wish I had spent more time recording her stories on tape. I wish she had been more open with me about the ill feelings among my sibs, so I wouldn't have been blindsided by the anomosity. I wish, I wish. Yeah, and I can wish until the cows come home, and it won't change a thing.
I want so much to make something of my life in the time I have left, however long or short it might be. I want to be a successful writer, and get my books published, and be able to help my family. I want to make my dreams come true. If Susan Boyle can do it, so can I. I might not have a singing voice like she does, but I have a voice, and I can use that voice to my advantage in my books. I just need to be disciplined enough to commit myself to a daily writing session. No more getting distracted by other projects.
I owe it to Mom and Dad to make a success of myself somehow. Mom wanted me to be happy, and Dad always believed in my writing. What finer memorial could there be???
Oh, and the champagne? Mom and I had a little tradition if you will, of celebrating the start of football season with a pizza and a glass of Andre champagne. We had pretty simple tastes!