I just have to wonder. Why do people ask how you're doing, if they don't want to know? I have so much hurt and sadness bottled up inside me, and yet, I'm not allowed to express it. If I dare to indicate I'm unhappy, everyone tries to talk me out of it. Oh, they don't admit that's what they're doing, but when they tell me what I should be thankful for, or tell me how much they "love" me or need me, or how great I am, I just know it's all a lie.
What they don't realize is that there's almost nothing left inside me. I have no enthusiasm, no joy, no real reason to continue on. I do love my grandbabies with all my heart, but I can't live my life for them. They have moms and dads, and lives of their own. When I'm with them, I'm usually happy, because they give so freely of their love and hugs. But as soon as I leave, the darkness sets in, and I'm lonely and sad again. I just feel useless, worthless, and left behind.